monday was scary
he told my fren
my fren suddenly asked me why did i cry on saturday.
what was the real reason behind
i told her lots
i m glad that she finally knows it
becos whenever with her
i will jus pour all my sorrows out freely

we went back to his hse
i sat on the bed
with my eyes watery
i was about to cry
not wanting ppl to noe and ask me why
i pulled my fren and together we went downstairs to have a really nice chat
it ended up that i din cry
jus my eyes filled with tears

YEs
i m scared
i m really scared
i lost my memory
of everything
i didnt noe tt the impact was so great
i din noe who is me
how was i lik last time
who is the real me
when m i really me
wad m i thinking
wad i m doing
wad am i feelin
wad is happening around me
i m not lying
i jus donno wad happen
i m so lost
is lik i jus woke up from a real long slp

my fren guided me
she told me that i m confused
she say tt i did not accept that they are together at all
on the surface i seem alright
i seem tt i accepted everything
but deep deep inside me i was not accepting anything
i was pretendin everything did not happen
i asked her who m i
last time how was i lik
how was the original me lik
is scary
really scary
we have loads of chat

i found myself le
but
i m still quite lost now
i noe who m i
i noe who is the original me
i noe how the original me is like
but but but
i still donno what i m thinking
i donno wad i m doing
haiss

but
i think i m alright
i m not sadd

i went out with her today
we had a really nice chat
is happy to see her and him happy
i hope he will treasure her
i nvr see him soo serious be4 de
this is the very first time bahs
good for them
=))

i had another chat with my another fren
she was really nice too
thanks lots
i actually thought i accepted le
but i din
she made me realised that

i m still running away from the fact bahs
i din wanna accept it
i din wanna to be sadd
how how how
i really donno
i need my frens' guide

i din wanna accept the fact
for it will be really painful
i will shatter de
i will really shatter..
how?????
i tried..
i kept remindin myself that they are together
especially at times when he appear in my mind
i donno
i really donno

i din wanna accept the fact
becos being hurt will indirectly affect my results
i noe myself too well
the impact is too great le
if i force myself to accept it
i will really brreakdown de
i wont be able to concentrate on my studies that well
but i cant afford it to happen
i donno

although now i seem to be cheating myself
but at least i feel much much better
at least i noe i wont break down

is complicated isnt it
love jus sucks bahs
haha!!

anyway
i think i shall leave this matter aside first
don think soo muchh
i slowly accept it bahs
i don wanna force myself
i really don wan to..